salt on the wound...

2day...how 2 say...i go 2 sch wif upset mood...i dun know how 2 face all of them...i should say i dun know i should use wat attitude 2 face them...happy like b4? i can't even smile from the bottom of my heart...show a emotionless face? this is not their fault, do like that is unfair 2 them... so...i also very矛盾...dun know wat 2 do!
in the class, wif the company of my 3 fren n irene i feel more nature...won't be too sad...
after sch i go out eating lunch wif all of them...is my decision 2 go correct? i dun know...i really dun know d la...y all the things happened in my life bcum so complicated! i can't withstand leh...i hav no appetite, but for the sake of not to be so 刻意i still eating...i think i can skip my dinner d lo...
after that go back sch for librian duty...here is the time the 2nd blow of me! Liwei ask me wat happen...i say ntg...she say anything can juz tell her, then i think she's also quite a good fren of me so i tell her lo... i really really ,dreaming also can't predict she will say this... actually i feel very sad 2 hear this... she ask me whether gt feel she not so wish 2 talk wif me o not? i say yes...i thought she dun wan talk is bcoz she is in bad mood recently, i really can't believe she also think me like that...she say she heard ppl say i'm this type of girl, n the girl is from her class n the girl is heard from the student of my class!!! this make me straight away shocked! omg! all togather is how many ppl thought me like tat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T
even my classmate???i really can't believe!
LW say she dun know whether she is misunderstanding me o not... when these word cum out from her that is the 1st time i know wat is the feeling of heartbroken... i can feel the heartache clearly... i regard her as my fren but i really can't imagine when i 2gather wif her, she thought me like that... T_T n i still talikng n joking wif her?? can't imagine wat she is thinking of me previously...i felt myself like a clown... when she asking me"i should believe u o not?" i think that time my heart twisted d... but at least she say she decided 2 believe me...
besides, she say even her dato's fren also dislike me...my second shock!she say gt ppl say me 有心机...how come how come! how 2 say?? i treat ppl wif all my sincere ok!=='''
who can tell me wat can i do??? T_T我是怎么沦落到这种地步的！
when we sit down discuss about this thing...when i talking my frens there...really can't tahan anymore...my eyes straight away brimming wif tears...i try 2 control but i failed 2 do that... i think ka xiang n little circle saw it d lo...sry 2 let u saw that!
(jeff n weityng, dun go n tell LW i write this here hoh...dun let her know u know this better la...i dun wan she misunderstanding me again...)
i really really missing my fren! my 5sc2 best fren! how good if they are here n console me...the 1st 1 i miss is dada...i can imagine her anxious n helpless look...but i know she is trying her best 2 comfort me...2nd is vegi my best sister! i think wat she will say is" aiya dun bother them la..." n try 2 do something funny 2 make me smile... 3rd is suteng! she sure will hav a lot 2 say la... n chenying...she will also very nervous when i'm crying n ask 4 help from other fren...^^ erm...teck wei also...he will sure show me his embrass look n say"dun cry la" woeiyeh...he will say something ppl unpredictable... n all my others fren!!!!
i missing that time "jia min's matter" they all 挺我的时候。。。我就是有你们真心诚意地安慰。。。不离不弃的陪伴。。。才让我慢慢的走出那可怕的阴影！ 现在没有了你们我真的很难过！不知道该怎么办！想到我们在一起的欢乐时光。。。我就只能哭！我是怎么了！！！！什么时候我的眼泪变得那么不听话！我几时变得那么爱哭！ 自从佳敏的事过后我就没再哭过！是一年前的事了吧。。。但现在让我透不过气！快要窒息了！一切都超出我的想象！这个世界再也不像我想象的那样简单！突然变得好复杂好复杂！是我太天真了吗？
成长就是长这个样子的吗？我怎么越来越讨厌这样的自己！ 真的很讨厌！如果可以重来，我只愿能活在自己一个人的世界。。。那么这一切的一切就不会发生了！
我知道威廷，jeff，家祥，小元，irene你们都很努力的想要安慰我。。。真的很感动！很感动！你们让我觉得我不是一个人！但我现在连要以怎样的心态面对你们我都不知道了。。。等我整理好自己再说吧。。。
多希望有个肩膀能让我依靠。。。就算是女生那也很好！^^
怎么总觉得伤心的时候听歌特别有感触呢。。。听《幸福地图》想到vegi，《一个像夏天一个像秋天》想到女生朋友。。。《下一个天亮》《不要而愈》想到梓杭。。。

现在最适合我的心情的歌是“我的天空今天有点灰，我的心是个落叶的季节，我不知道如何度过今夜，所有的灯早已经全都熄灭。。。”